Family Intervention:

Exploring Couples Therapy During Child's Placement

Written by: Richard A. Stapleton, M.C., N.C.C., L.P.C.

The decision to place a child in residential treatment can be difficult for everyone involved. Many of the clients who I work with have supportive family members who report years of seeking help for their child's emotional and behavioral problems. After years of crying out for help and exhausting all available resources, the family may find additional help through school districts, mental health agencies, or social services. Most of the families who I talk with state they are relieved knowing their child is in a safe place and is able to get the help that the child needs. I've talked to few parents who were given advice to take some time to focus on their marriage during their child's placement, and few family service plans have this as a service recommendation.

From the therapist's perspective, the child's emotional and behavioral problems are only one part of a much larger issue. Families have endured years of stress such as grief, loss, financial difficulties, job losses, and school issues. Most families can persevere when challenged with one or two major life events. Multiple problems make it difficult for parents to cope with stress resulting in a greater likelihood for marital problems (Walsh, 2003). Parents spend years focusing on the child's problems. Through years of focusing on the child's emotional and behavioral problems, parents sometimes lose sight of the common activities and events that brought them together resulting in them falling in love. The child becomes the focus and when the child goes to treatment, parents are often left feeling as if they no longer have anything in common resulting in further strain on the marriage (Hanna, 2007; Worden, 2003).

When placing a child into residential care, therapists and caseworkers should consider recommending couples therapy for the parents. This will help parents explore issues inappropriate to discuss with their children. It will also help parents reconnect with each other and strengthen their bond therefore allowing them to become a stronger unit to care for their child. In cases in which couples therapy is not an option, the caseworker therapist should explore one of the following:

• During family therapy construct the family timeline. Have the parents construct a timeline starting with their childhood leading up to the moment when they met and identify key milestone events in their lives. During the dating relationship, have the parents identify what attracted them to each other, common interests, and memorable activities while dating. While the parents are constructing their timeline, the child or children are also creating their own timeline. Have the family share their timelines and milestone events with each other. It is healthy for the children to hear the romantic tale of their parents meeting, and it will help the parents remember why they fell in love (Hanna, 2007).

• Make "date night" a therapeutic assignment. This will help parents maintain their unity and focus time on their relationship. Have the parents avoid activities such as going to the movies. Movies do not require interaction with each other. Maybe recommend that the family do something that they enjoyed while in the dating relationship before marriage or the formal partnership.

• Implement family game night. This is an inexpensive activity for the entire family allowing healthy stress relief, communication, and family team building.

Our goal in treatment is to provide the child with the help she needs and to provide support for the family system. By focusing some time on the parents' relationship, we are providing the parents with the tools needed to strengthen family bonds and unity. Parents may feel overwhelmed, and it is important to help them strengthen their relationship in order to provide the best possible support for the child.